A satirical behind-the-scenes look at Trump and Musk’s fake public feud
They didn’t want anyone to know.
To the world, Donald J. Trump was holed up at Mar-a-Lago, brooding over presidential strategy. Elon Musk was supposed to be off somewhere on the Gulf Coast — maybe Boca Chica, maybe the Moon — tweeting space-age provocations and policy critiques from afar.
But here they were. Together. Side by side.
Sitting like teenage conspirators on the wide marble steps of Mar-a-Lago, greasy fast food wrappers spread between them, their thumbs tapping away in synchronized rhythm.
“You post that I denied you NASA,” Trump grins, squinting at his screen.
“And you tweet something like, ‘We had to part ways. It was inevitable.’ Real cryptic. But cocky.”
Elon wipes ketchup off his sleeve.
“Right. Then I follow it up with a picture of me on the coast looking sad. Something dramatic. Maybe a satellite silhouette.”
Trump laughs.
“Make it cinematic. Like ‘Musk: The Martyr.’ That’ll kill them in the media.”
They clink fries together like wine glasses.
This was the plan. The drama. A digital divorce for the world to gossip over. Their feeds had to look distant, wounded, broken — but here in person, they were tight as ever. Plotting it all out like stage directors in a global political soap opera.
“You know,” Trump says, munching into a cheeseburger, “when this is over, we’ll say it was real bad between us. Real falling out.”
Elon taps out a new tweet draft, then pauses.
“And just when it starts to die down, I’ll say something huge. Like… I don’t know… ‘Trump’s on the Epstein list.’”
Trump snorts Dr. Pepper through his nose.
“Oh that’s perfect,” he wheezes. “You say that, and I’ll post a picture of Space Force looking confused at a weather balloon and say, ‘Guess Elon’s satellites aren’t so smart after all.’”
They laugh so hard the Secret Service peeks out to make sure no one’s choking.
And somewhere across the country, pundits rage. Blue checks spin theories. MAGA influencers cry betrayal. Resistance bloggers write poems of liberation.
No one suspects the truth.
This wasn’t a feud. This was marketing.
A break-up the way professional wrestlers break up — with fake chairs and Twitter fire.
And just when everyone was starting to take sides, just when the American people were drowning in memes…
Elon hits send.
“BREAKING: Trump’s name is on the Epstein list.”
Trump looks at him. They both grin.
Hi-five.
Fade to black.
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4Ruth Hart Moulton, Jeannie Harris and 2 others